Welcome to Denmark, the land of endless beaches, breathtaking fjords and fascinating boredom! If you’re looking for the ultimate summer vacation experience that will captivate you with its delightful ordinariness and strange fascination with sandcastles, Denmark is definitely your destination!
You may wonder why we call Denmark an exotic paradise? Well, we imagine that it is a kind of inverted paradise. Instead of lush tropical forests and wildlife, you can expect an abundance of flat fields and mosquitoes. But hey, who needs wild animals when you can have the unique experience of being considered a living buffet by mosquitoes?
One of the main attractions in Denmark are undoubtedly the beaches. You’ll be amazed at how immeasurably they stretch – for miles, without a single palm tree or hint of exoticism. But do not worry, there is no shortage of sand here. You’ll find enough sand to build not just one sandcastle, but an entire medieval kingdom. And if you’re really lucky, you can watch the wind destroy your sand creation in seconds so you can rebuild it over and over again. A real paradise for all reconstruction fans!
But Denmark has not only beaches to offer. Danish culture is so rich that you could almost trip over it. You’ll find that Danes have an unusual fondness for hygge – a concept as hard to explain as the secret recipe for Danish puff pastry. But basically, hygge means curling up in comfy socks while you hear the rain pelting the windows and wonder how you’ll ever leave the house again. It’s like meditation, only without the Zen music and with an extra helping of cake.
Of course, you must also try the culinary offer of Denmark. Here you will find an amazing variety of dishes consisting mainly of potatoes, meat and fish. If you can’t decide, we recommend the “Smørrebrød”: a slice of bread, topped with another slice of bread, and then another slice of bread on top. It is like a Danish tower of tastelessness that satisfies all hunger and kills all appetite.
But the real highlight of your Danish summer vacation is the weather. Forget the sun-drenched beaches of the Caribbean or the azure waters of the Mediterranean. Here in Denmark you will learn the true meaning of the word “changeable”. The weather in Denmark is like an actor who can’t decide which role to play. It can be sunny and warm one day, raining cats and dogs the next, and then snowing again as if winter would never end. But hey, who needs stability and predictability on vacation? Danish weather is like a roller coaster ride for your wardrobe and mood!
And if you’re craving some activity, there’s plenty to do in Denmark, too. For example, you can go for bike rides, enjoying the endless fields and the gentle wind blowing in your face, telling you that you still haven’t made a kilometer. Or how about a boat trip? Experience the adrenaline of trying to keep your balance on the wobbly boat while the seagulls screech above you, telling you that you have no business in their territory.
If you are interested in culture, then there are also museums and historical sites that you can visit. From Viking ships to elaborate mounds that look like molehills on steroids, you’ll learn a lot and wonder why you didn’t just stay home and read a book about it.
So, if you’re looking for a summer vacation that will defy your expectations, test your patience, and reward you with a good dose of boredom and quirky moments, Denmark is definitely the destination of your dreams. Pack your rain jacket, your comfy socks and your sense of adventure and prepare for a unique experience you’ll never forget – or maybe you will if you fall into a summer slumber from all the average experiences.
Disclaimer: This article was written in the satirical style of the “Harvard Lampoon” and should not be taken as a serious travel recommendation. We love Denmark as much as the next guy, but a little humorous hyperbole never hurts, right?